Australians Spectacularly Dethroned As Worst Tourists In Bali, But Who’s Taken Our Place?

Change is on the horizon.

Australians Spectacularly Dethroned As Worst Tourists In Bali, But Who’s Taken Our Place?

Image: DMARGE/Romer Macapuno

Australians have long been regarded as the worst humans in Bali. That said, there are still a fair few idiots on tour, but after spending two weeks in the thick of it, we’re happy to say we’re no longer the worst people.

Aussies in Bali have long attracted the wrong sorts of attention — from the “bonk ban” that was brought in as a response to Antipodean misdemeanours to the nationwide introduction of billboards to tame Aussie d*ckheads — their touching down in the land of the Bintang singlet always holds a special place in any Australian’s heart. Cheap food, good weather, better waves, what more could a bloke want?

Well, cheap beer for a start. This has long been like a red rag to a bull. Australians love cheap beers and even cheaper cocktails; in combination, these can easily sway any Aussie into a downward spiral of debauchery. This muscle memory has been flexed for decades now but, as tourism in Bali booms, the Aussie accents are becoming less and less common…

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Germans, French, Dutch (hate the Dutch) and various other European nations are flocking to Bali, but there’s one nationality who have multiplied in extraordinary, pale-skinned numbers: the Russians.

Whether they’re dodging the war or just finding somewhere other than Dubai or Thailand to call home, Russians now make up a majority of the permanent ‘nomad’ population occupying Canggu, Seminyak and the fast-growing Uluwatu.

Brash, loud and generally rude, always flouting the Bali rules, the Russian populous has gained a reputation in recent years for dodgy scams and even dodging the draft in Ukraine (some claim they’re stranded but that remains to be seen…)

In 2022, when the Russian government called up arms, many Russians (and Ukrainians) decided that paradise was better than war. It’s estimated some 58,000 entered, just to avoid military call-ups.

We spoke to local staff at Mason, one of the uber-cool eateries in Canggu. They told us that Russians are rude and have no respect for the Indonesian staff. They will demand tables be moved and storm out if their demands are not met. We watched this in action many times.

All too Instagram-able… Mason is the Canggu hotspot, but that comes at a cost. The food tho… amazing. Image: Facebook

Whilst the tattoo-covered, Prada-sunnies-donning Aussies do make the occasional appearance, it’s the Russians who dominate the bars and clubs. Many are Instafamous nomads with pumped-up lips (and more…), taking countless selfies with partners in tow to pick up the cheque. We’re not throwing shade here — girls (and boys) gotta eat – but good manners, unlike fancy dinners, cost nothing.

With no end in sight for the conflict in Ukraine, you can expect Bali to continue to be a safe haven for those with the means to get away and stay away.

Let’s not forget this Russian influencer who was arrested after getting sexy with a tree. Photo: Sexy Russian Tree Lady

The days of hearing Aussie accents on every street corner are fading into memories as the once red-hot holiday destination becomes overrun with other nationalities looking for a good time. Surprisingly, every Australian we met over the 2-week stint were genuinely lovely humans. What’s the world coming to?

Are we about to come full circle with Australians once again making Kuta their spiritual home?

Keep in mind the Balinese government is deporting as many as possible, but still, they’re unable to keep up with the influx. Not only would we like to hear more stories in-line with the Aussie who was deported for getting chippy with Bali police, but we’d also like to see that kind of tough love spread around…

Well, may we say God save the King because nothing will save Bali from the great invasion of Mother Russia.